What is parental alienation?
There is no formal definition. Broadly speaking, however, parental alienation refers to situations where one parent’s unjustified behaviours and negativity can damage a child’s relationship with the other parent and turn their emotions against them. It often leads to the non-resident parent having no contact with their child.
It can include any combination of negative attitudes, denigrating comments, false stories, maligning, ridiculing or dismissing the other parent. Equally, it can include withholding any positive information about the other parent. Parental alienation can lead to a child becoming worried that being with the alienated parent poses a risk, or that the parent isn’t worth spending time with.
It’s a complicated issue that can potentially see an alienating parent unwittingly damage their child emotionally.
Why are we hearing more about it?
Awareness of the term parental alienation has grown as it is more widely used and recognised in family courts than previously. But there’s a difference between a parent who begrudges their child having contact with the other parent, and a parent who is so entrenched in their views and set against contact that the child doesn’t see their other parent.
How does it manifest?
Sometimes, parental alienation comes with allegations of domestic abuse, most often from the mother, but this doesn’t mean the two should overlap. Parental alienation is a welfare issue, and can be extremely difficult for the court to make a finding without expert evidence.
It should never be dismissed, however. A parent who is alienating the other parent can genuinely believe that contact will be harmful for their child. They are unable to see that having no contact can be equally harmful. In one example, a mother was so entrenched in not allowing the children to see their dad that she was assessed by an expert. The expert’s opinion was that mum was so far beyond understanding that contact with both parents was beneficial not a threat, that she needed professional help. As a result, the court ordered a change of residence, and the children were moved to live with dad.
This is a rare case. Often when a parent is assessed in this way they will begin to recognise and realise that their mindset is wrong.
In another example where a mum wasn’t allowing access, following proceedings, an expert assessment was undertaken. After considering this, she decided she needed to get help. When she was reassessed, the expert agreed that she had changed. The children stayed with mum, and dad had contact. In this case the dad lived some distance away, so to uproot the children to live with him could have been damaging to them in itself.
Moving quickly on parental alienation
Realistically, parental alienation needs to be picked up early on otherwise it can become an entrenched attitude where the alienating parent is unable to see beyond their mindset of intractable hostility towards the other parent. After 12 or 18 months of no contact, it is far harder to reinstate it. Often the child is fed negative and damaging information about the other parent which causes them anxiety, so when contact is finally reinstated it might have to start as supervised contact – even when there are no assessed risks poses, and there is absolutely no indication of potential harm to the child. Supervised contact can be a really good way of reintroducing relationships in a child focused way.
Alongside any emotional cost to the alienated parent, there’s potentially a monetary cost, as supervised contact may have to be paid for. While the Cafcass “Improving Child and Family Arrangements Service” can be ordered by the court and paid for by Cafcass, it is a short-term service designed to reintroduce contact. Private supervised contact may still be needed – and in fact may be required even before the client is given access to the ICFA Service.
Proving and disproving
Proving parental alienation can sometimes require an application to court to get expert evidence from a psychological expert, for example. Other professional evidence may also be required from the local authority (if they are already involved with the family), Cafcass or perhaps a school. For example, alienated children may have behaviours noticed at their school which may have resulted in MASH referrals to the local authority being made.
Disproving parental alienation will often require similar evidence.
From a lawyer’s perspective
An experienced family lawyer will recognise the signs of parental alienation early on, whether this is their own client or the other side. Requesting assessments in a timely manner will help to shorten the crucial period when there is no contact.
The worst outcome of parental alienation is that a case goes on for so long that the child, who has had no contact with one parent potentially for years, doesn’t want to see them at all. This is particularly common in the case of older children, who vote with their feet.
Gemma Sparks, Director at The Family Law Company
