It is timely that I am writing this during mental health awareness week, and against the background of having attended two seminars this week by top set Chambers, where the speakers, including a sitting Judge, discussed the importance of being respectful to your contemporaries.
In the emotionally charged realm of family law, where clients are often navigating some of the most difficult moments of their lives, the tone and manner in which family lawyers correspond with one another can make a significant difference — not only to the outcome of a matter but to the experience of all involved.
It is our role to set the tone. We are more than legal representatives; we are stewards of process. A respectful and constructive dialogue can diffuse tension, streamline negotiations, and preserve important relationships, specially where children are involved.
Amicable correspondence doesn’t mean being weak or yielding, it means being professional, strategic, and empathetic. It helps build credibility and shows a commitment to resolving matters in the best interests of the family.
The benefits of amicable correspondence
- Protecting the clients: hostile communications between lawyers often filter down to clients, inflaming disputes rather than resolving them. Amicable correspondence encourages cooperation and often leads to faster, more cost-effective outcomes.
- Efficient resolution: when we work collaboratively, it is easier to exchange disclosure, agree on procedural matters, and negotiate settlements without unnecessary litigation.
- Preserving professional relationships: family law is a close-knit community. The lawyer on the other side may be tomorrow’s mediator or judge. Maintaining civility ensures professional respect and trust.
- Modelling good conduct: we often model communication patterns that clients adopt. If we are combative, clients may feel justified in being inflexible or aggressive. By contrast, professionalism and calm can promote reasonableness and settlement.
Top tips for constructive correspondence
- Be clear and concise: avoid emotional or accusatory language. State your client’s position clearly, but respectfully.
- Respond promptly: timely communication keeps matters moving and shows mutual respect.
- Avoid point-scoring: focus on resolution, not rhetoric. Letters and emails are not vehicles for venting or winning minor battles.
- Use a measured tone: even when disagreeing, it’s possible to remain courteous and focused on the issues.
- Acknowledge reasonable proposals: agreeing where possible builds goodwill and makes the tougher issues easier to resolve.
Judges increasingly expect lawyers to cooperate and conduct themselves with courtesy. Hostile or unprofessional communication can reflect poorly on both the lawyer and the client. In extreme cases, it may even result in cost orders or reputational damage.
In family law, where the human stakes are high, civility is not just desirable, it’s essential. Let’s just be nice shall we?
Lisa Payne is an Associate in the family team at Wilsons Solicitors
